Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash

It was around four in the afternoon when I finally decided to do it. I was with her and some other friends just chatting in the library, like the noisy teenagers we were. I excused myself and took her to a room nearby. Just the two of us, ready to do what had to be done: bring our relationship to its unavoidable end.

We had been together for a while now. She had once been a great source of pleasure in my life, but the relationship between us had become unhealthy with time. I still remember the beauty of our first kiss, that indescribable flavor that enveloped my tongue, remained in my lips for hours and made me wish for more. I loved it. Having her around was good for me back then; her sheer presence made me feel like I had butterflies inside my stomach. At first her company made me feel revitalized and full of energy, but this phase didn’t last long. She would begin complaining if I wanted to play some ball with my friends, she would start grunting if I showed the desire to dance. The butterflies had gotten heavier and noisier, as if they had dropped the acidic butter inside me and were now just annoying flies. I tried relaxing and ignoring her whenever she made me feel annoyed, but if anything, the nagging feeling was growing stronger. This relationship had deteriorated to a point where I simply couldn’t stand it anymore. This had to stop.

We sat together, but I didn’t even try to look at her, I knew I couldn’t. We remained still for a few seconds, we both knew what was about to happen. Even though neither of us were doing anything, the tension in the atmosphere was too strong, I had to sit down. I started sweating, wondering how hard it would be to let her go, but how necessary it was to do so. I finally gathered the strength to act. I started mumbling some nonsense but there was no answer, no sound, no movement. No matter how hard I pushed her, there was not much I could do, it all depended on her.

When she finally reacted, I started confusing the true nature of my feelings. My blood pressure was on the rise, being pumped warm and steadily with the same rhythm as my breathing. My body started shaking, trembling desperately as she refused to let go. Her stubborn resistance was painful, especially because it made me remember that this was going to be my last moment with her. This would be the last time I would ever feel that delicate body of hers, that soft fountain of energy and warmth that had once been mine. As we began to let go, I felt an increasing void forming inside me. After having been so close to each other, and after having held her for so long in the deepest part of my being where we blended into a single entity, we were breaking apart. In our separation we were giving birth to the most intimate moment of our entire relationship, but whatever it was, it was dead. For a moment I almost screamed in pain, but I managed to simply groan, and in our struggle, we came to a climax.

I couldn’t hold it, there was a scream accompanied by a deep, wet thud, followed by absolute silence. Tears started pouring from the borders of my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I had just done, but I specially couldn’t believe the magnitude of the satisfaction doing so had brought me. I felt disgusted of myself for feeling that sick pleasure. I turned around to see her, she was still, lying right in front of me, soaked in her juices, and that brought me joy. After that scene, my perception of her changed completely. I, who once had liked and enjoyed her greatly, now stared at her with revulsion; I even turned my head away to escape her sight, her smell, her existence.

I kept thinking about my satisfaction, but I started to feel concerned about something. What was I going to do with her? I couldn’t leave her there. What would become of me if people saw me leave the room, and someone found her there, stiff and breaking down? I had to hide my actions. I bent over her, reached for the toilet handle and pressed it. I fixed my eyes on her and watched her go round and round as that majestic whirlpool took her far away from me, never to be seen again in my life. I cleaned myself and I washed my hands. Finally, relieved of the pressure I was feeling, I came out of the restroom and went back with my pals.

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